Category Archives: Uncategorized

No but seriously. Don’t stand so close to me.

Okay I’m sorry, but does no one remember the Season 1 Glee episode where Mr. Schue learns it’s really dangerous and inappropriate to encourage students’ crushes on him? If not, here’s a little reminder:

I’ve included a version with Spanish subtitles, because producers seem to have also forgotten that Will is a Spanish teacher and at some point during his day needs to actually teach classes.

Anyway. Did Mr. Schue have some sort of memory loss inducing accident during the show’s hiatus? First he performed “Toxic” with the club, which was weird enough. And if memory serves correctly from my high school dance team performance of the same song, “Toxic” dances never really have G-rated motives behind them.

But seriously? Rocky Horror Glee episode? You have crossed a line, and that line is called the point at which Mr. Schue becomes totally and irreversibly creepy. I understand that he only practices with Emma and I’m not complaining about the gratuitous shirtless shots throughout, but he is practicing this song to perform on stage WITH RACHEL. That same girl who showed up in his car backseat singing “Crush,” and not the Mandy Moore song but a stalkier one. PLOT GAP, GLEE. PLOT GAP. That being said, please enjoy some of that gratuitous shirtlessness:


and this is where all the magic happens.

So there’s this show on MTV called Teen Cribs. It’s billed as a look at “ordinary teens with extraordinary homes” or “ordinary offspring of extraordinarily wealthy parents” or something like that.


Watching the show this morning got me thinking. Hey MTV, why don’t you start a new version for my very particular demographic? You could call it “Recent College Grads Who Still Live With Their Parents Cribs.”

I can see it now: Oh hey this is my twin bed in the bedroom that I still share with my sister. We had a professional muralist come in and paint it, and by professional muralist I mean when I was thirteen I decided to paint clouds on the ceiling. I can’t show you my garage full of luxury vehicles [that, come on, the Teen Cribs kids aren’t usually even licensed to drive yet] because it’s too full of still-unpacked boxes of junk that I accumulated during college. But let me take you out to my driveway, and I’ll show off my twelve-year-old Cavalier (It doubles as a sauna, because that’s how we roll in the suburbs*).


I’ll be waiting for your call, hot shot MTV executive.

*My air-conditioning is broken.

who watches the watchmen [border’s displays]?


If you liked this in paperback, well then you’ll love the exact same [comic] book* in hardcover!

*graphic novel